The second half of that beer is not worth drinking.

I found myself with ten or fifteen minutes to kill waiting on a take-away order from Siam Spicey up at Peregian Beach last weekend. A perfect opportunity to neck a cold one at this bar across the road I’d never previously had the time to visit. No wife, no kids, no dog to walk. And that dread, empty wasteland of a quarter hour to wait for my red duck curry to be done.

I was in!

I grabbed a house lager and a spot on the deck overlooking the beach and enjoyed in the way a fellow would, the quiet self regard of the lonesome drinker.

Then, about half way down the schooner, my phone buzzed.

Pick up was ready. And getting cold waiting for me.

Oh noes!

My friends, I abandoned that beer with some regrets, but it turns out I didn’t have to. Have the regrets that is.

Esquire magazine heard the cry from my broken heart and advised that it is perfectly reasonable to Throw Out the Second Half of Your Beer.

Ahhhhh. There’s nothing quite like it, right? The frothy overflow of a just-poured draft, the first few gulps of ice-cold, hoppy ale running down your throat. Fizzy, foamy, frosty, crisp. But nothing gold can stay. You get carried away with the chip bowl, or go to the bathroom, or get caught up in telling a story and forget about your drink for a couple minutes. Your clammy hand wraps around your pint for a bit too long. It’s a little warmer and a little flatter than it was at the start. It’s not your fault that nature’s first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold. It’s another casualty of the passage of time: The quintessential thirst-quenching beverage—one that puts even blue Gatorade to shame—is now just a bunch of warm liquid.

From here on out—and we mean this—we don’t care what you do with the second half of your beer.

The first half of a beer is why we drink beer. The second half is an afterthought at best, backwash at worst. If you were to watch all the beer commercials from the beginning of time, you’d hear the words cold and refreshing over and over and over. That’s because marketing people aren’t that creative, and also because that’s what sells beer. No one drinks beer for the tepid second half.

Whew.