Realised with horror this morning that I’d left the house without my Apple Watch. I was already on my morning walk, ready to burn those calories like a mofo. And now? The sum of fucking calories burned was zero!

I checked when I got home and took my stupid watch off the charging cradle.

Zero!

It’s like I never even had that walk.

Seriously felt like checking into an all-day all-you-can-eat buffet because, honestly, what would it even matter?