15 Comments
8 hrs agoLiked by John Birmingham

Are they made of money or something?

That's the only evidence needed to change the GST redistribution.

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author

Zactly

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How much do you think we're paying for a BSS?

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5 hrs agoLiked by John Birmingham

It's a visceral repudiation of the corrosively toxic suburban nature of the BSS. Under the snag, inside the bun, with an eyeful of sauce, there is a mortage-shackled æsthete screaming Mvnchlike at the spiritual vortex that has swallowed him/her whole.

"I'll never get married", s/he muttered, as s/he scurried out the school gates for the last time. "Kids? An account at Ikea? Middle management job at Bunnings? Fuck that noise" as s/he stretched out on Kuta Beach. Now, many years later, the Awful Truth has dawned, and there is only one form of expression left - subverting the BSS...

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28 mins agoLiked by John Birmingham

*Sigh*

That picture does not do justice to the WA iteration of the BSS. I say this both as a citizen of the Independent Sovereign Nation of Westralia, and a former Bunnings employee.

Firstly let me reassure you heathens that indeed we do include onions on our BSSs, but per the OH&S regulations they go under the sausage, as I believe they do in the savage wastelands of "Over East". Now, I am not an aficionado of the BBQ onion, as much as I enjoy its aroma when cooking, but as an analyst by trade and by nature, I always assumed that the onions should go under the sausage firstly to prevent inadvertent and therefore unacceptable losses of precious onion, but also to infuse the bread with the oniony goodness. If you philistines are using cheap sandwich bread rather than have your onions and sausage cradled in the bready comfort of a hot dog bun in your BSSs then I understand why the logic of sausage atop onion escapes you.

Secondly, at a WA BSS the distribution of sauces, which can include tomato, BBQ, and mustard, is up to the recipient of the BSS to determine and apply. So reserve your sauce criticisms to whomever applied the sauce to the bun in the pic, as it would appear to be their personal preference and not the responsibility of the local BSS.

Thirdly, you cannot, and should not, judge a WA style BSS without having tried it first. I would invite you to our fair nation to partake, but that would require you to get past our border security, and I'm afraid your intemperate and treasonous utterances against our BSS have placed you on a no entry list. Good luck appealing your immigration status to our supreme court.

Fourthly, most Westralians are baffled as to how and why the Eastern States have allowed the travesty of a slice of bread wrapped around a sausage to not only be allowed to proliferate and flourish, but to become the supposed standard of a SS. I remember at the 2019 election the democracy sausage stand at the polling booth my BFF and I attended was clearly staffed by an Eastern States interloper, as they were distributing democracy sausages wrapped in shitty sandwich bread. The horror and outrage of those who had done their democratic duty only to be served this substandard reward for democracy made manifest was palpable. I think the complete absence of a democracy sausage stand would have been preferable, because then we would only have been disappointed, not insulted. Then we were further injured by the election of Scotty from Marketing later that evening. I blame the substandard democracy sausage I received that day.

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While I agree with your assessment, I feel you will be inviting some wrath from a certain West Australian who frequents these pages.

Anyway, where was the butter, the onions, the tradition, the love? Whomever those people are, they are putting the WA in wankers.

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You were indeed correct on the invitation to wrath sir. I have addressed your onion concerns in my missive 🫡

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Onions under the snag, apparently, because some wonderful human beings that I would 'narly think of mocking have turned onions into a slip hazard, I have heard tell that the people at Mills Styrox may have designed a sign for...

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no offense, but that does look enticing.

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author

You are dead to me.

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You are correct. Your personal, engraved invitation to travel to the ISNoW to partake of our far superior cuisine is in the mail.

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too much bread to sausage ratio. The sauce also looks like it is designed to squish out everywhere and be gravity fed straight to your clothes. But as is evidenced by the fancy bread, they probably have "bunnings sausage eating clothes" plus some fancy "bunnings i just touched something on a shelf and now i got that dirty mark all over my couture clothes", with a spare set in the back of the car.

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Only in Claremont and Dalkeith, which is where all the really rich wankers live. The rest of us learned how to eat without soiling ourselves as children. Is this not something you lot Over East have managed even as adults? 🤔

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AS someone from the Greatest State of Western Australia, I'd like to take this opportunity disavow these bougie BSS infiltrators.

Monstrous.

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Sir, you have broken the first rule of being a citizen of the Independent Sovereign Nation of Westralia, which is to stand firm and defiant in the face of any observations from those wankers Over East. Regardless of what we think of our version of the BSS, we must die on the hill of defending its superiority now that those Over East have seen fit to criticise it.

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