18 Comments
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John Birmingham's avatar

Haha. This all reminds me of the day Jason L flew in and I took him down the hill for a coffee and he necked four shots in less than twenty minutes.

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Elana Mitchell's avatar

Yes but that man has literally been blown up. He's not the standard American coffee wuss 😂

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Potato Shaped Man's avatar

As someone with medicated ADHD, I still manage 5 or 6 cups of coffee a day.

These weak as piss non-caffeine drinkers pollute our gene...oh hey, on that, when is Cruel Stars 3 coming out?

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w from brisbane's avatar

Speaking of sports, the Australian cricketer, Marnus Labuschagne, is said to consume 16-20 coffees per day.

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John Birmingham's avatar

OK. Respect.

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Mike's avatar

And he presents exactly like someone who has had 16-20 coffee in a day...

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Formerly Known as Simon's avatar

ha. Is this like the modern day equiv of David Boon? The liquid may change but the challenge goes on.

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insomniac's avatar

Big Dan is a fucking lightweight, and the author too. The problem is evidenced with the logo in the picture. Like you mention, they are consuming vast amounts of liquid, not coffee. Condense that shit.

"Then there’s coffee with dinner of course." Not to mention espresso martinis...

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Naut's avatar

I kind of feel that American's talking up coffee consumption is like them talking up their beer consumption. The volume sounds impressive, but the % of alcohol/caffeine mitigates the volume.

3 proper espressos on Lygon St would result in heart failure.

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Beeso's avatar

When I ran The Rev I had a contra deal with the barista round the corner, he was a permanent door list member and I got as many triple shot small flat whites as I could deal with during opening hours. Once again, Americans know fuck all about coffee, how to make it, how to drink it, how to appreciate it, how to abuse it.

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Michael Barnes's avatar

"It was just past 11:20 a.m. on a Monday in New York City when the caffeine began to take hold." methinks its a paler, shallower refrain to "“We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas" is this what America has come to in its writing.

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Ty's avatar

With my one and only trip to the US, I found that their coffee is utter shyte. You can smell how bad it's going to taste. Burnt coffee with a hint of industrial solvent. It was appalling. All I can say it thanks be to the Italian and Greeks who gave Australia decent coffee.

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Tim Allen's avatar

One of the unsolved mysteries to me of living in America is that decent coffee (also decent beer) is available, but a significant fraction of the population just ignore it in favour of flavourless (but unfortunately not tasteless, as you note) awfulness.

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Tim Allen's avatar

Having said that, have to admit that I'm currently drinking the "free" coffee at work, dispensed by the magical machines that can by some mysterious process turn perfectly-good Illy coffee beans into American coffee... If you want decent coffee you have to pay for it. I limit my coffee expenditure more than I limit my consumption.

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Ty's avatar

We where in Portland and it was only on our last day that we found a patisserie that actually made good coffee.

We even tried making our own by buying beans from a shop as the AirB&B had all the gear for coffee making. Nope. Just as awful as store bought coffee. If I ever travel to the US again, and atm that's looking extremely unlikely, I'll bring my own supplies.

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Beeso's avatar

I pride myself at being able to find good food and drink wherever we travel, but I gave up on drinkable coffee after 2 days in Denver. Longest I’ve been without Caffiene since my teens

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Dave W's avatar

A latte with syrup? WTAF are grown mature adults in America doing?

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Tim Allen's avatar

I'm constantly amazed at the things so-called "grown mature adults" in America consider reasonable to consume. Coffee with syrup is just the start - "soda", "candy" (which is basically sugar, emulsifier and artificial colouring with, if you are lucky, a homeopathic smear of terrible chocolate), mac-and-cheese, saladless burgers, white bread with enough sugar in it to be classified as confectionary (cf McDonalds burger buns in Ireland)... In Australia I wouldn't be too surprised seeing a nine-year-old consuming any of the above (though I might wonder what their parents were doing), but an for actual adult I can't really fathom why.

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