25 Comments
Jul 27, 2023Liked by John Birmingham

I have a magic spray from Dominant, the Australian version of Amway, except Dominant's products are fucking amazing and do the trick (https://domhome.com/).

My BFF spilled hot oil down her brand new white and grey maxi dress one Christmas eve when she was getting the pan out of the oven to put the roast spuds in, and immediately and sadly concluded that the dress was toast. As the roast potato scoffing freeloading BFF that I was, I told her not to worry about the dress, I had a magic spray that would get the massive oil stain out of the hem. Her accidental second Christmas gift was me turning up on Boxing Day with the dress so clean you'd never have guessed she'd ever worn it, never mind spilled Canola all over it. Magic spray FTW!

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Jeebus

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Jul 24, 2023Liked by John Birmingham

I've heard tale of the magic stick, or perhaps a magic spray, and unfortunately so has ms insomniac, who then instructs me to purchase same, with some vague statement such as "go and buy that magic laundry stuff my sister has", which inevitably leads to failure on my part.

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Jul 24, 2023Liked by John Birmingham

When I heard that jeans are not meant to be washed, it was like all my life choices had been validated.

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So, you're still eating food with your pants on? Who would have thought you were so highfalutin.

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If that stick ever fails, chuck dishwashing liquid on them it works a charm!

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The Stick Will Never Fail Me. But that’s a good tip anyway.

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Yeah, that's a good trick. We use it.

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and then after, dribble/slow pour boiling water over the spot.

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One should dribble on one's trousers? Or slow pour boiling water. Got it.

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Pouring boiling water on the crotch should do it. It will at the very least send you a message not to spill food again.

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Now go out to dinner in a white shirt.

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Better living through chemistry.

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Maybe it's not the stick. Maybe it's the pants?

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Oh please name the miracle stick!? Every shirt I own has grease/wine/beetroot etc permanently emblazoned across my boobs and belly. Hubby tells me that I am forbidden from wine or tomato based sauce if wearing my one white top...I don't listen 😔

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Sard

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Good lord is that still around! Thanks, will give it a try.

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Tomato-sauce pasta is the natural enemy of the clean shirt.

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assuming that they called them MetaPants because the pants are self aware? Maybe they cleaned themselves whilst in the machine.

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"Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will", but, hey I bought a pair of pants!

FFS.

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Someday someone , maybe Elon , will incorporate AI self cleaning into clothing so I don’t have to take an extra shirt everywhere. Utensils were revolutionary but it’s time for the next iteration

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No, Elon's going to give you a brain implant so that you always _think_ that your clothes are clean, irrespective of pesky reality.

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Yeah, greasy foods have been a bane of my existence for my entire life. No spendy pants for me.

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This is very disappointing. I had really hoped there might be a military solution. Those guys seem to really love clean clothes.

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Depends on the situation. Before an inspection? Yeah, better be clean. And BTW you maintain one set of good fatigues for inspection- ones you don't do anything else with. Then you have a garrison set, and a field set or two. The field sets are hideous cause no one cares. And your dress uniforms? Dry clean only. There's a reason enlisted guys get a yearly uniform allowance.

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