17 Comments
Jul 11, 2022Liked by John Birmingham

Yes sir, Capt. Queeg.

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DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE ICE CREAM.

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Jul 11, 2022Liked by John Birmingham

When my kids were teens they possessed magical powers. Pizza night remnants were placed in the fridge, with a view to become worklunch on the morrow.

I'd be the last one to go to sleep and the first one to wake up.

Pizza pieces had magically disappeared.

All of them.

Every time.

The box hadn't disappeared of course and it just sat there, uselessly empty.

To this day I have no idea who did it and I fear I'll go to my grave not knowing.

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rofl

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Jul 12, 2022Liked by John Birmingham

We have the ice and water thing in the fridge door. Now its just the puddle that is constantly in front of the fridge that needs to be dealt with. Given no one did it, no one used it and there's no water glasses left in the cupboard at 9AM. All 36 have disappeared. What's wrong with drinking it from the tap I ask you?

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Have... have your children become the next set of terrible housemates? Are you marooned in the unwritten modern day sequel to Felafel, now known as living with teenagers? Is parenthood just the next stage of terrible share house arrangements? 😱

I'm so glad that I chose eternal servitude to feline overlords rather than choosing to live with another human being. All the water bottles in my fridge remain filled, because I'm the only one here to empty and then refill them. The system works.

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This is parenting done right.

.

I served at the battle of Towel, people throw around labels like ‘Pyrrhic’ & ‘Petty’ but they weren’t there, they don’t know.

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Instead of the sink, place the bottles in a box labeled "Goodwill" (or opportunity or charity shop). See what happens next.

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I keep checking back to read the comments to see if this battle has progressed in any way... The tension is palpable.

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The bottles are still in the sink. Unfilled. I am getting thirstier. But my resolve is rock solid.

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Removing the enemies' water has long been a legitimate battle tactic.

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It appears to me that you are losing the war and that the enemy is at least one step ahead of you at every turn.

I’ve been watching this thing on Stan with Simon Pegg where the Ruskies reverse engineered a cyber attack and knew everything the Brits would do in response.

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I’m watching that and loving it.

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this needed to come with a trigger warning. I am fighting similar battles on a number of fronts and losing every one of them. Maybe i should outsource but i worry i'll be pulled up in front of the hague, "no your honour i did not pay for that man to burn everything in my kids room because they wouldnt clean". Don't get me started on light switches. I swear those things are back on just as i turn my back.

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There are only two of us in the house. I counted 8 various waterbottles which are filled and kept in the fridge - there has to be 8 becuase this is the only way I can be sure there will be one full water bottle to drink.

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We have a refillable pitcher with a filter. I have filled it every day for yrs. Apparently I am the only one who can comprehend the intricate nature of turning on the sink to fill it. I wish you luck but my guess is that you while you may win an occasional battle ultimately you will lose the war.

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At my BFF's I have sat at their breakfast bar watching their now teenage children pour themselves drinks and gone "REFILL THAT WATER JUG BEFORE YOU PUT IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE!" more times than I can remember. I'm always greeted with blank stares of incomprehension while their poor mother (my BFF) sighs and shakes her head. Apparently it's a magic jug that refills itself or some such, much like your refillable pitcher.

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