The algorithm knows all, or at least it knows my love of sandwiches, which is why this Popular Science piece about a radical new way of cutting sangers dropped into my timeline.
It’s called the Y-Cut and it’s been running wild on TikTok.
It is, of course, bullshit, which is why it’s running wild on Tik Tok.
I mean, look at this fucking thing, would you? It’s an abomination. How many hours would you waste over the course of a year faffing around trying to get this cut right? How many sandwiches would die unnecessarily because you fucked it up?
The two bottom segments don’t even look right. There’s some weird Cthulhu geometry going on there that the simple human mind cannot abide.
You either cut your sandwich into triangles or you eat it whole. End of story. If you’re a big fucking baby, I suppose you could slice horizontally or vertically. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Popsci interviewed a number of sandwich scientists who came to entirely wrong conclusions about this rubbish, but they also helpfully included this hand-drawn diagram of the perfect order in which to eat a ‘10 Bite Sandwich’, by US football coach Mark Richt.
“While explaining this sequence, Richt called bite three the “filet” of the sandwich—that is, the best bite.”
He is indeed correct. In a properly made sandwich, that third bite will contain the lion’s share of whatever filling you have piled on between the slices. Some argue that “the appeal of the Y cut, from this perspective, is obvious: You get three of these best bites.”
But you don’t because the uppermost triangle is too shallow to host the required filling in the appropriate amount, and as mentioned before, the two remaining weirdo slices are profane and as likely to induce madness as satisfaction.
I will not be taking any questions on this matter.
It's not even fucking symmetrical, and even if it was, I doubt it's an equal division of the surface area.
The only true way to slice a sandwich is into rectangles, although I often have to eat triangles because I have a wife who makes me sandwiches, and she is wrong.
Look, men cut sandwiches into rectangles, women cut them into triangles. That's just the way I was raised. Every single sandwich my father made me was in a rectangular format (even if, occasionally, there was mould on the bread); my mother? Triangles.
Likewise, all dogs are by default male, and all cats are females.
Obviously they just taste better, although now I realise that I too sometimes don't cut my sandwiches. I guess I'm just fighting a minor battle within my household over rectangles v triangles.
I've never met anyone who cut sandwiches "diagonally", so it's clearly a cultural issue, but looking at it, isn't there a structural integrity issue at the pointy ends? Just like the acute angle of the middle of a piece of pizza gets droopy (until you eat it, first).
The bread that I use to make sandwiches doesn't have corners, and IMO there's only one sane way to cut such a sandwich (or toasted sandwich as the case may be) and that's in even halves "vertically" across the short diameter.
All of our insecurities are relics of mummy's bad influence. I'm double confused because my mother-in-law has moved into our house and she only does open sandwiches rendering this triangle / rectangle debate moot.
It's not even fucking symmetrical, and even if it was, I doubt it's an equal division of the surface area.
The only true way to slice a sandwich is into rectangles, although I often have to eat triangles because I have a wife who makes me sandwiches, and she is wrong.
At the risk of starting the Great Sandwich War of 2024, why are rectangles superior to triangles?
(I am one of the minority of heathens who don't bother cutting a sandwich at all and just eat it whole, so I have no stake in this debate).
Look, men cut sandwiches into rectangles, women cut them into triangles. That's just the way I was raised. Every single sandwich my father made me was in a rectangular format (even if, occasionally, there was mould on the bread); my mother? Triangles.
Likewise, all dogs are by default male, and all cats are females.
Did you people even go to school?!?
This is the best possible condition to contribute to this discussion
Obviously they just taste better, although now I realise that I too sometimes don't cut my sandwiches. I guess I'm just fighting a minor battle within my household over rectangles v triangles.
But why do they taste better as rectangles? Zero judgement, just fascinated curiosity here.
I've never met anyone who cut sandwiches "diagonally", so it's clearly a cultural issue, but looking at it, isn't there a structural integrity issue at the pointy ends? Just like the acute angle of the middle of a piece of pizza gets droopy (until you eat it, first).
The bread that I use to make sandwiches doesn't have corners, and IMO there's only one sane way to cut such a sandwich (or toasted sandwich as the case may be) and that's in even halves "vertically" across the short diameter.
I thought you weren't interested in war...
It must be a relic of childhood and what mummy used to do.
All of our insecurities are relics of mummy's bad influence. I'm double confused because my mother-in-law has moved into our house and she only does open sandwiches rendering this triangle / rectangle debate moot.
Only a matter of time before someone asks Is It A Sandwich
Open sandwiches? What sorcery is this?
Imprinting on rectangles as the One True Form of a sandwich in childhood is perfectly valid.
I suspect the so called 'sandwich scientists' interviewed were neither scientists, nor sand witches.
Surely they're the people that the sandwich artists from subway report to. And they, in the same way, are neither sand witches nor artists.
I was a sandwich artist long long ago in my misspent youth and can confirm
A comment, not a question. Just pick the damn thing up and eat it. No slicing involved. My two cents.
Also the only bread sandwich worth mentioning needs to be subjected to fire - the toastie/jaffle is far superior
Bread is for toast . I went tortilla long ago .
Who the fuck is still cutting sandwiches as an adult?
The dude making my Reuben can, but that's about all.