(I wrote this a while ago, but it feels, I dunno, more timely now). It can be hard in this post-apocalyptic world of ours to stay focussed on what’s important: you and the better you inside you just waiting to get out of you — like the giant tapeworms which helped bring down our civilisation.
Change the old bit about running from the bear to brain eatin mutants... I don’t have to be faster than the zombies, I just have to be faster than you. Or smarter than Vernon
My vision of an insane dystopia, is that they have managed to extract a piece of DNA from Morrison's faeces, now they can really call him a piece of shit. They managed to do this after observing cloning trials in Tasmania, or as they call the clones down there, cousins. Now Morrisons are proliferating exponentially, in some parts of the ACT they have reached plague proportions. The denizens of that wasteland have been putting down rat poison, which seems to very effective.
If only the Thetans and Xenu can save us, there's a rumour spreading through the cave that they have landed in Adelaide, but we all agree there's no intelligent life down there, our leader, the all wise and very charismatic, Kyle Sandilands has returned from his wanderings through the desert regions. He has had a vision of a land of ambrosia and magic mushrooms, where naked nymphets frolic and dance and fellow satyrs gorge themselves till they have a girth akin to his own.
We have finally finished devouring the carcase of the Right Honourable John Winston Howard, along with a side dish of Lazarus Rising, and desert looks like the Right Honourable, sorry I'm obliged by law to call her that, Hanson, but the righteous among us refuse to eat such a foul beast.
The hunting party has brought to ground the elusive portly Palmer, he was rumoured to be with his equally elusive cousin in the slavic regions, but the boys caught a whiff of him at the bottom of his Queensland Nickel mine, these types always return to the scene of the crime. When they dismembered his bloated form they found it was full of hot air and millions of dollars of ill gotten gains, now that money is worthless we use it to wipe our bums with, dirty money doing a dirty job.
Our delivery of some new sackcloth and ashes has arrived from Amazon, but the Bezos beast has decamped to an exoplanet that the Webb telescope found one lazy Sunday afternoon when it was looking for Xanadu, along with all the members of the World Economic Forum. They all insisted in travelling in their own personal spaceship, as is the style they have always enjoyed. A larger spaceship has gone ahead, containing all the factotums, functionaries, toadies and lackeys, which life would be unbearable without. They left a note before they lifted off saying, sayonara suckers, and thanks for all the money.
Words to live by. No really, they are. Lord Bob has a standing invitation to the Bunker if and when things go pear-shaped (like Lord Bob) and I expect he'll contribute in many practical ways to our survival.
My Top Five Amazing Post Apocalyptic Self Improvement Hacks That You Need to Action Today
Thanks JB. I needed this today.
Change the old bit about running from the bear to brain eatin mutants... I don’t have to be faster than the zombies, I just have to be faster than you. Or smarter than Vernon
This is a true classic. Right up there with "Why I voted for Cthulhu."
Did you just use the word 'action' as a verb?
"but it feels, I dunno, more timely now" can't imagine why?
No clue why I read this in the voice I used back when read/played Paranoia.
Does that make a lick of sense?
My vision of an insane dystopia, is that they have managed to extract a piece of DNA from Morrison's faeces, now they can really call him a piece of shit. They managed to do this after observing cloning trials in Tasmania, or as they call the clones down there, cousins. Now Morrisons are proliferating exponentially, in some parts of the ACT they have reached plague proportions. The denizens of that wasteland have been putting down rat poison, which seems to very effective.
If only the Thetans and Xenu can save us, there's a rumour spreading through the cave that they have landed in Adelaide, but we all agree there's no intelligent life down there, our leader, the all wise and very charismatic, Kyle Sandilands has returned from his wanderings through the desert regions. He has had a vision of a land of ambrosia and magic mushrooms, where naked nymphets frolic and dance and fellow satyrs gorge themselves till they have a girth akin to his own.
We have finally finished devouring the carcase of the Right Honourable John Winston Howard, along with a side dish of Lazarus Rising, and desert looks like the Right Honourable, sorry I'm obliged by law to call her that, Hanson, but the righteous among us refuse to eat such a foul beast.
The hunting party has brought to ground the elusive portly Palmer, he was rumoured to be with his equally elusive cousin in the slavic regions, but the boys caught a whiff of him at the bottom of his Queensland Nickel mine, these types always return to the scene of the crime. When they dismembered his bloated form they found it was full of hot air and millions of dollars of ill gotten gains, now that money is worthless we use it to wipe our bums with, dirty money doing a dirty job.
Our delivery of some new sackcloth and ashes has arrived from Amazon, but the Bezos beast has decamped to an exoplanet that the Webb telescope found one lazy Sunday afternoon when it was looking for Xanadu, along with all the members of the World Economic Forum. They all insisted in travelling in their own personal spaceship, as is the style they have always enjoyed. A larger spaceship has gone ahead, containing all the factotums, functionaries, toadies and lackeys, which life would be unbearable without. They left a note before they lifted off saying, sayonara suckers, and thanks for all the money.
Words to live by. No really, they are. Lord Bob has a standing invitation to the Bunker if and when things go pear-shaped (like Lord Bob) and I expect he'll contribute in many practical ways to our survival.
I enjoyed this the second time round just as much....
but a question:
is it plagiarism if you rip your own work off?.....
"improvise, adapt and overcome"
sure you changed the order of words....maybe that makes it ok :)
I do like it when the space pirates use those words though
On a completely unrelated note, anyone watching the "Last of Us" series?