We represent Mr John Birmingham, international super author. It has come to our attention that you, in your role as spokesman for the Foreign Ministry of the People’s Republic, have recently published via the microblogging service hereinafter referred to as ‘Twitter’, numerous works of fiction, hereinafter referred to as ‘tweets’ suggesting the US military might have deliberately infected the People’s Republic with the novel coronavirus.
This is an unauthorised use of Mr Birmingham’s copyrighted works, ZERO DAY CODE and FAIL STATE published exclusively in audiobook form and available for purchase right now at all good audiobook retailers as long as they are Audible.
You neither asked for nor received permission from our client to use his tremendously exciting and strangely prescient novel as the basis for your tweets. The People’s Republic of China has infringed our client’s copyright under numerous international statutes and could be liable for statutory damages and a most ferocious snubbing at the next meeting of the Author’s Guild.
We demand that the People’s Republic immediately cease the use and distribution of all exciting end-of-the-world narratives which were sourced from Mr Birmingham’s well reviewed audiobook about a desperate and collapsing US military deploying weaponised viruses to the Chinese mainland. The consequences for non-compliance could be grave, not just for the People’s Republic, but for you personally, Mr Zhao. Many, many book reviewers who have displeased our client have come to regret their precipitate actions when they found themselves coming to a sticky end in later volumes of Mr Birmingham’s works.
If we have not received an apology indicating that you intend to meet our requirements by close of business today, we shall immediately commence proceedings to recover damages or at the very least a couple of five star reviews from you.
On a personal note, our client advises us that your story as published, while serviceable for a first draft, could benefit from some structural work and a more personalised antagonist than something as vague as ‘the US army’. He is wiling to offer you a ten percent discount on his fiction writing masterclass upon production of this letter and the offer code COVID-19.
Love that. I’ve just finished the trilogy and want to go to Three Forks, Livingstone and Paradise Valley. Probably not a surprise to many, but it’s the first time I’ve considered a stateside trip for years, having added the good ole US of A to my no go list since Trump kicked off.
Could you imagine if you could get a quote from China's Foreign Ministry Spokesman to put on the back cover of the last (is it the last?) installment of the Zero-Day code audiobook?
Love that. I’ve just finished the trilogy and want to go to Three Forks, Livingstone and Paradise Valley. Probably not a surprise to many, but it’s the first time I’ve considered a stateside trip for years, having added the good ole US of A to my no go list since Trump kicked off.
Any sign of a kindle (or any other e-reader format) of Fail State? Would love to read it...
I am late to the party, but am converted by the reference to Duffle Coat Supreme in Zero Day Code. Late Show Gold or rather Champagne Sketch Comedy
Could you imagine if you could get a quote from China's Foreign Ministry Spokesman to put on the back cover of the last (is it the last?) installment of the Zero-Day code audiobook?