McSweeneys: IF TIM WALZ IS AMERICA’S DAD, THESE ARE AMERICA’S OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS
As always with McSweeney, this is very funny. But I wish they’d done Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Tim Walz is America’s dad.
George Washington is America’s father.
Pedro Pascal is America’s daddy.
Jimmy Carter is America’s “one that got away.”
Stanley Tucci is America’s second husband who breathed new life into America as America was picking up the pieces after America’s divorce.
Kamala Harris is America’s cool aunt who gets called in the middle of the night to come to the rescue and pick America up because America is stuck at a keg party with a bunch of weird townies in the middle of a field and no ride home. And while she’ll be disappointed, she’ll be cool and not tell America’s parents.
Kathryn Hahn is America’s other cool aunt who would also come pick America up, but she will stay at the townie party for an hour and shoot some bottles off the hood of a Chevy Silverado.
Betty White is forever America’s favorite grandmother—the good one who tells you stories about getting zooted on quaaludes in the ’50s and not the one on the other side of the family who says “oriental” when describing people and not rugs.
surely Tony would be Australia's creepy uncle? Except the nightmare includes raw onion biting and red speedoes
"Stanley Tucci is America’s second husband who breathed new life into America as America was picking up the pieces after America’s divorce." Love McSweeny's -not enough to subscribe but you know love their work..