You better fucking believe I clicked on that link when it dropped into my Apple News feed. The fact it was sending me to Popular Mechanics promised actual fucking laser beam time travel shenanigans too.
The first par was promising.
IN 1983, THE Central Intelligence Agency asked U.S. Army Lt. Col. Wayne M. McDonnell to report on a possible way for people to convert the energy of their mind and body into a laser beam that can transcend spacetime. Called the Gateway Process, the procedure claimed to help people access the intuitive knowledge of the universe, as well as travel in time and commune with other-dimensional beings. McDonnell’s 28-page report, declassified in 2003, outlines the Gateway Process’s “scientific” underpinnings and provides instructions and technical assistance.
Unfortunately, the scare quotes around “scientific” at the end give the game away. No laser beams. No time travel. Not even a lousy neural network. It’s a fun story about a weird dude who wrote an weirder “report“ for the US DoD about… well, quantum magic, really.
It would make a great basis for a Netflix sci-fi series, and I might bookmark the story on that basis. But sadly, no brain lasers.
In the late 80s I received a letter from a US Navy researcher. He had cited one of my papers in his own work, so helpfully sent me a copy. It was utterly amazing - utter gibberish from beginning to end. It looked like he had just randomly grabbed a handful or two of physics papers, quoted random bits of them, and stuck them together to promote some idea that sounded like some sort of New Age lucid dream. I can't actually remember his thesis (it wasn't as interesting as the guy in Germany who also cited my paper because he thought the possibility of stable cosmic strings could explain the existence of ghosts), just that it was very very stupid. At the time I thought that if the US Navy was spending their budget on that sort of claptrap instead of how better to blow people up then that was probably keeping us all safer.
oh hell yeah, no way this story, already fantabulous, wouldn't be improved with brain lasers. Honestly are there any stories not improved with the addition of brain lasers. Doctor Zivago - brain lasers better, Crime and Punishment waaay better with the addition of brain lasers, Shaun of the dead... maybe not already perfect.
The early 80s were clearly very good for some! This must have felt right at home with all of the DoD "research" on UFOs that was also going on.
And we knowingly laugh (via Hellboy and the Indiana Jones movies) at the Third Reich's fascination with the occult... Got to preserve those precious bodily fluids!
In the late 80s I received a letter from a US Navy researcher. He had cited one of my papers in his own work, so helpfully sent me a copy. It was utterly amazing - utter gibberish from beginning to end. It looked like he had just randomly grabbed a handful or two of physics papers, quoted random bits of them, and stuck them together to promote some idea that sounded like some sort of New Age lucid dream. I can't actually remember his thesis (it wasn't as interesting as the guy in Germany who also cited my paper because he thought the possibility of stable cosmic strings could explain the existence of ghosts), just that it was very very stupid. At the time I thought that if the US Navy was spending their budget on that sort of claptrap instead of how better to blow people up then that was probably keeping us all safer.
Did this guy and the guy who talks with goats hang out int he same compound?
oh hell yeah, no way this story, already fantabulous, wouldn't be improved with brain lasers. Honestly are there any stories not improved with the addition of brain lasers. Doctor Zivago - brain lasers better, Crime and Punishment waaay better with the addition of brain lasers, Shaun of the dead... maybe not already perfect.
The early 80s were clearly very good for some! This must have felt right at home with all of the DoD "research" on UFOs that was also going on.
And we knowingly laugh (via Hellboy and the Indiana Jones movies) at the Third Reich's fascination with the occult... Got to preserve those precious bodily fluids!
Watch Doctor Strange or the Ant Man movies on the quantum realm. More fun and they’re over quicker than reading the article.