I need a new lawn mower.

Goddamnit. Why does it always come to this? I need a new lawn mower. I gave up on petrol powered units a couple of years ago, but I can’t say that the electric alternative has been much better, apart from being cleaner to use and kinder to the planet, natch. That’s all well and good, but I haven’t had a lot of luck with the batteries.

Our latest electric mower, a Ryobi gifted to us by some neighbours who moved out of their house and into an apartment, finally died last weekend, and I’m about 15 minutes away from driving off to Bunnings to replace it. But do you think I can get any sense of what I should replace it with? No, no you do not.

There seems to be a couple of price bands. Somewhere between $100 and $150 for underpowered little garden toys that could barely bend a blade of grass, let alone cut it. $800 to $900 Warhammer inspired turf destroying monster beasts. And a whole lot of confusing shit in between.

I think I’m just going to ask one of the gnarly old Bunnings blokes what they use on their lawn. They all look like they have lawn. Although, to be honest, they’ll probably say a dirty, petrol powered old Victa.