Groundhog Down.

I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Canberra, where it’s cold. But this little nugget of a story from former NYC mayor Bill de Blasio, via The Bulwark’s Jonathon Last, is warming heart.

On a lighter but more tragic note, do you have any regrets about dropping the groundhog in 2014?
Yeah. 100 percent. I’m like, “Don’t make me hold a fucking groundhog.” I mean, what the hell? Let me tell you exactly what happened.

Please.
I go there and it’s seven in the morning, which means my motor skills are not at their best. I put on these gloves, and they’re like, “Here’s a groundhog,” I’m like, “What the fuck?” I’m like, “Don’t you have a little more coaching to go with this or whatever?” It was idiocy. Why would you want an elected official to hold a groundhog? I don’t know anything about holding groundhogs. So the whole thing is just insane. There’s an original sin here. Don’t hand someone a groundhog, right?

UPDATE. UPDATE. UPDATE.

This goddamned cafe doesn’t butter the toast. Doesn’t even offer a consolation pat of butter on the side. Just breakfast salad. With broccoli.

The terrorists have won.