Over the weekend, I found myself passing by the Apple Store in the city and noticed that the Apple Vision Pro headsets were available for demo. With half an hour to kill, I thought, why not? I had no intention of buying one, and after the demo, that intention hasn’t changed. I might jot down some thoughts on the new shiny gadget later, but what I do want to talk about is the post-demo experience I had this morning that wasn’t so much weird as it was irritating and slightly creepy.
An email from Apple asking me how “Chloe” did.
I assume Chloe was the young woman who led me through the demo. She was fine, by the way. But it felt icky getting that email and being asked to rate her performance. I was so put out by it that I took 10 minutes to fill out the entire survey, maxing out all of her scores because, to be honest, why should anybody have to put up with this shit.
It's not just an Apple thing, of course. I've had these follow-up emails, we all have, from dozens, perhaps hundreds of businesses over the last couple of years. This one seemed particularly irritating and creepy because I did spend 20 or 25 minutes with ‘Chloe’ and if I wanted to talk to a store manager about her performance I'd have done so. I don't need to be email stalked afterwards for the feedback. It feels really fucking gross. I wish that retailers would stop doing this.
Ugh I hate this shit with the power of a thousand suns. Especially when you get chirpy emails going "how did we do?" when all you did was buy an inconsequential item that you needed. You know what? You did fucking great, you had the item I wanted in stock at a price I was willing to pay, BECAUSE I FUCKING BOUGHT IT. The successful sale transaction is your fucking feedback, I'm not giving you a virtual reach around to stroke your ego over meeting the absolute bare minimum of succeeding at retail capitalism.
The only feedback thingy I have ever thought was useful was, ironically, my ISP's. Because once you hang up they send you the feedback survey, and they include the question "is your issue ongoing?" eg, they're acknowledging that their minion may still be working to solve whatever problem you're having, and you have an opportunity to explain what's going on, which gives the impression that they understand that the stuff their minions are dealing with can be complex and difficult, and this feedback might actually make a difference to how their performance in dealing with complex and difficult issues is assessed. Because the one thing you want when dealing with a telco or a technology company is people who can solve complex and difficult issues QUICKLY AND COMPETENTLY.
But asking me about my experience going through a self serve checkout to buy cat food? Fuck right off. I go through the self serve check out in order to avoid having to deal with staff, and getting cyberstalked by your company's instance of Skynet doesn't just not endear me to you, it makes me less likely to return to you to transact with your establishment again.
As someone who worked for an ISP, I fucking HATED those customer surveys. Our bonuses were entirely dependent on them, and we often got proper fucked because of a systemic issue out of our control (like, when you're re-selling a wholesale network and the wholesaler is Telstra).
And FYI, in my 10 years at ISPs, customer facing issues were never complex. :P It was a) a faulty join in cabling b) internal wiring; or c) the microwave.
Yeah I recently used a service called teledoc through insurance that started during Covid . It’s nice to avoid a trip to the doctor and cheaper for minor stuff . Anyway I’ve used it a couple of times no worries. But a couple of weeks ago I had a truly shitty experience with the service . Bad enough that when they emailed me the survey I hammered the guy hard. Never done that before . I usually ignore the things. So I fill it out and holy shit they won’t stop now . They want to k ow if I need someone to talk to about the experience etc and n and on .I guess I walked into the shitstorm I’ll walk out of it too . Just seems crummy and makes me feel like old man yelling at the weather .
Gotta keep hitting those KPI's JB. Otherwise how does the store manager get his bonus* if his service staff arent doing 117% of effort and getting 123% customer satisfaction with their job.
*gets to keep a job and not be churned into the meat grinder for pet food or that special additive in the next protein drink. "mmmm, tastes like under performing service staff (TM)"
It's fairly universal in American businesses - I've often had staff literally beg me to give them 5/5 ratings on the survey I'm going to get because otherwise they'll be fired. I feel a bit bad about ignoring them - I feel like the whole thing is so demeaning to the staff that I want nothing to do with it. Sad to hear the fruit company are doing it in foreign parts now. It must be terribly precarious relying on customers to give you consistently excellent ratings - especially considering that a non-negligible fraction of customers are just stupid arseholes who wouldn't know a good job if they saw one and will whine whatever happens. The difference between US and Australian customer service is that Australians will be helpful and knowledgeable about whatever it is you want help with, and will understand what you are asking them and respond appropriately, whereas US staff tend to be incapable of understanding your problem, have no ability to help you resolve it, but will be obsequious to the point of complete self-effacement despite completely wasting your time. I suspect that measuring performance using this sort of survey is what drives towards the US situation.
Every single closed IT request at (job) results in a request to rate it.
A help-desk interaction for a non-work online service I went through wanted me to rate it on some sort of web-fronted user-opinion site.
Most (all?) of the take-away food orders that I make on line want me to "rate" the previous one.
Uber drivers live and breathe by star-ratings.
I'm not sure that it's just (or even) the store owner trying to hit their KPIs: I think that this is management by robot, with a side serving of ensuring that our digital fingerprints are left all over the world, for something to track and categorize.
I can see what they're trying to do (people are more likely to complain than compliment), but it makes me want to complain about being hassled rather than focus on the service I received in the flesh.
Invariably I just delete; I don't feel like going in the draw for some imaginary prize that Trent D from Inala won last week.
Ugh I hate this shit with the power of a thousand suns. Especially when you get chirpy emails going "how did we do?" when all you did was buy an inconsequential item that you needed. You know what? You did fucking great, you had the item I wanted in stock at a price I was willing to pay, BECAUSE I FUCKING BOUGHT IT. The successful sale transaction is your fucking feedback, I'm not giving you a virtual reach around to stroke your ego over meeting the absolute bare minimum of succeeding at retail capitalism.
The only feedback thingy I have ever thought was useful was, ironically, my ISP's. Because once you hang up they send you the feedback survey, and they include the question "is your issue ongoing?" eg, they're acknowledging that their minion may still be working to solve whatever problem you're having, and you have an opportunity to explain what's going on, which gives the impression that they understand that the stuff their minions are dealing with can be complex and difficult, and this feedback might actually make a difference to how their performance in dealing with complex and difficult issues is assessed. Because the one thing you want when dealing with a telco or a technology company is people who can solve complex and difficult issues QUICKLY AND COMPETENTLY.
But asking me about my experience going through a self serve checkout to buy cat food? Fuck right off. I go through the self serve check out in order to avoid having to deal with staff, and getting cyberstalked by your company's instance of Skynet doesn't just not endear me to you, it makes me less likely to return to you to transact with your establishment again.
As someone who worked for an ISP, I fucking HATED those customer surveys. Our bonuses were entirely dependent on them, and we often got proper fucked because of a systemic issue out of our control (like, when you're re-selling a wholesale network and the wholesaler is Telstra).
And FYI, in my 10 years at ISPs, customer facing issues were never complex. :P It was a) a faulty join in cabling b) internal wiring; or c) the microwave.
Telstra is Strayan for "bend over and spread 'em, then (having assumed the position) wait on hold for 3 weeks before getting reamed."
or d) PEBKAC 😂
But tell us how you really feel, Elana. Don't hold back. ;-)
WELL. In this essay I will....
Looking back I realise how grumpy I'd woken up this morning, and how unfiltered I apparently am when I'm grumpy and uncaffeinated 🤣
Yeah I recently used a service called teledoc through insurance that started during Covid . It’s nice to avoid a trip to the doctor and cheaper for minor stuff . Anyway I’ve used it a couple of times no worries. But a couple of weeks ago I had a truly shitty experience with the service . Bad enough that when they emailed me the survey I hammered the guy hard. Never done that before . I usually ignore the things. So I fill it out and holy shit they won’t stop now . They want to k ow if I need someone to talk to about the experience etc and n and on .I guess I walked into the shitstorm I’ll walk out of it too . Just seems crummy and makes me feel like old man yelling at the weather .
Gotta keep hitting those KPI's JB. Otherwise how does the store manager get his bonus* if his service staff arent doing 117% of effort and getting 123% customer satisfaction with their job.
*gets to keep a job and not be churned into the meat grinder for pet food or that special additive in the next protein drink. "mmmm, tastes like under performing service staff (TM)"
It's fairly universal in American businesses - I've often had staff literally beg me to give them 5/5 ratings on the survey I'm going to get because otherwise they'll be fired. I feel a bit bad about ignoring them - I feel like the whole thing is so demeaning to the staff that I want nothing to do with it. Sad to hear the fruit company are doing it in foreign parts now. It must be terribly precarious relying on customers to give you consistently excellent ratings - especially considering that a non-negligible fraction of customers are just stupid arseholes who wouldn't know a good job if they saw one and will whine whatever happens. The difference between US and Australian customer service is that Australians will be helpful and knowledgeable about whatever it is you want help with, and will understand what you are asking them and respond appropriately, whereas US staff tend to be incapable of understanding your problem, have no ability to help you resolve it, but will be obsequious to the point of complete self-effacement despite completely wasting your time. I suspect that measuring performance using this sort of survey is what drives towards the US situation.
Agreed, retail staff have the shitiest end of the stick and its only going to get shittier with stuff like this.
Yes. A thousand times, yes. No one needs or asks for this.
Every single closed IT request at (job) results in a request to rate it.
A help-desk interaction for a non-work online service I went through wanted me to rate it on some sort of web-fronted user-opinion site.
Most (all?) of the take-away food orders that I make on line want me to "rate" the previous one.
Uber drivers live and breathe by star-ratings.
I'm not sure that it's just (or even) the store owner trying to hit their KPIs: I think that this is management by robot, with a side serving of ensuring that our digital fingerprints are left all over the world, for something to track and categorize.
Yeah, that sort of shite pisses me off, too.
I can see what they're trying to do (people are more likely to complain than compliment), but it makes me want to complain about being hassled rather than focus on the service I received in the flesh.
Invariably I just delete; I don't feel like going in the draw for some imaginary prize that Trent D from Inala won last week.
Tom Goodwin (smart markety-type dude) writes very well about this stuff. Total FWOT.