13 Comments
Dec 14, 2021Liked by John Birmingham

For the proper compensation, I will come to your home, and after every time you use this abomination, I will use my command voice to announce, “Gotta pump those numbers. Those are rookie numbers in this racket.”

For an additional charge, Havok will chime in with an Aussie, Aussie, Aussie. Oi, Oi, Oi .

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Dec 7, 2021Liked by John Birmingham

Why does it have the "My Kitchen" guarantee? "Step away from the knives, sir, I'm afraid you're too pissed to cook".

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Dec 7, 2021Liked by John Birmingham

I hesitate to ask, but here goes: why does it need an LED torch function?

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Once upon a time I had reason to pay attention to health research, including what was discussed in media (this was before social media) about health research. One day as I was on my commute into the circus I listened to a piece about research findings that men, standing around the barbecue, on average tend to drink more on Christmas day than other days.

Well gosh.

True story.

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The one thing I can aver regarding ABTs is that it is a very, very bad idea to take one to the pub with you. Everyone wants a go and guys get awfully competitive.

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You're going to blow way past .05 and you know it. So why throw 12 bucks down the drain? But hey, it DOES have the pretty awesome LED torch function.

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