21 Comments
Jun 8, 2023Liked by John Birmingham

This is far worse than a lukewarm piece of toast and an ice brick of butter. Far, far worse.

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Jun 9, 2023Liked by John Birmingham

I hear with apple headset you can see Jesus in every piece of toast.

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Jun 8, 2023Liked by John Birmingham

Don't they at least offer to drizzle artisanal olive oil on it?

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Jun 8, 2023Liked by John Birmingham

I suggest next time you get the dry frisbee to stand it on the edge of the table and flick it off while yelling "this is sparta!"

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You know what's worse? When they spread your toast with MARGARINE! ugh!

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author

*SCREAMS ENDLESSLY*

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Maybe take a stick of butter with you, to make a point. Offer it to other tables? Loudly ask if they are missing their butter?

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author

I am interested in your ideas and would very much like to subscribe to your newsletter.

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Damn straight. This is an outrage, and a portend of the fall of our civilization.

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Any sufficient quantity of incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.

Is it possible that they just forgot?

(I don't recall ever having had a cafe butter my toast for me, BTW. That would be weird, wouldn't it? I don't breakfast at cafes often enough to recall the experience, exactly.)

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The issue here is simple. Your patronage is fleeting so ignored. I on the other hand frequent the same establishment almost every day. I don't need to order and they make it as I like it. Variety might be the spice of life but at least my bland life comes with butter and one sugar.

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Have you tried saying “Don’t you know who I am?”

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author

I worry they might say, "yes."

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Or yell to the room as a whole: "Can anyone help this man? He doesn't know who he is!"

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This is no time for a game of "this is not a game of who the F' are you" https://youtu.be/Sv5iEK-IEzw

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though the cafe's I have ordered a full breakfast at in the last couple of months have provided butter. Maybe its a Brisbane thing now?

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author

Feels like general civilizational decline to me

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but aren't you getting to that age group where everything does?

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I was in Sydney for work at the end of last week and arranged to stay for the weekend, and decided to start my weekend good and proper with a room service breakfast. The breakfast menu thingy you hang on your doorknob before 2am to ensure breakfast the next morning gave me the option of butter or margarine on my toast, which at the time I was a bit ?? by, because who the hell would select margarine over butter?

I now stand humbly corrected and owe a groveling apology to the Rydges Sydney Central for having doubted their place at the peak, the very PEAK sir, of civilisation, in actually providing not just butter, but a choice of condiments, to their guests.

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As my uncle would say RIP....” Am I supposed to to shit ? ( fill in the blank ) in this case butter .

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That seems bizarre.

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