I bought an iceberg lettuce a couple of weeks ago, and it was kind of crap. Spotty and brown and pre-wilted. I tossed it.

I should’ve saved that sucker and put it on a bitcoin exchange. I read in Tony Wright’s column today that two dozen lettuces are now worth as much as one tonne of minty fresh Australian black coal.

Apparently, it’s all the rain. Or our lack of fast breeder nuclear reactors, if the Nats are to be believed. So, probs not.

I guess this is like that time a cyclone wiped out the banana crop. Another shortage I missed. My only use for bananas is to sit them in the fruit bowl for two and half minutes while they turn brown, waiting to be thrown directly into the bin.

I do recall having some luck growing lettuce-like leafy things in the early days of Covid, just for a larf, innit. But I remember we did that from the stubs of earlier lettuces, so not really an option here.

Still, it’s an excellent opportunity to prepare for the collapse of food chains, civilisation, etc., as climate change gets away from us in the next decade or so. And I’m even mildly curious to try a KFC burger to see if I’d even notice the cabbage they’re using instead now.

Sucks to be my old flatmate, Scotty, though. He lived on KFC zinger burgers.