Press 1 to Be Ignored
It’s weird how none of us can live without our phones, but nobody actually answers them anymore. Not if you’re smart, anyway.
I’m smart, and I don’t answer my phone because nine times out of ten, it’s some Nigerian prince who just happens to have a few diamond mines or oil fields he needs to offload on the cheap. And if I’d only be kind enough to provide my PayPal details, he could hook me up this very day.
One of the things I like about my iPhone is the level of control it gives me over notifications. I’m sure Android does the same thing, but, you know—I’m never going there. Right now, my phone is set up so that only calls from family and a couple of select favourites get through. Everything else hits the wall. That means at least a dozen, sometimes a couple of dozen, Nigerian princes go begging every day.
Yesterday, though, I was the one who hit the wall. We’re replacing an oven, and I needed to talk to the logistics company delivering it. But they live in the 20th century, back when things were simpler, and people actually answered their phones. So I missed three calls from them while they tried to schedule delivery. Luckily, I managed to call them back this morning before I lost my delivery slot.
It did make me wonder how they handle the absolute tsunami of scam calls that must hit their numbers all day, every day. But it also got me thinking—our phones aren’t really phones anymore. They’re more like walkie-talkies for keeping in touch with family and a few close friends.
I read an amusing article by a woman who had been very resistant to getting a mobile phone. Finally, over a decade after most people had one, she relented. She consoled herself that she would only use it for phone calls.
No one was more surprised than her that, within a few months, she was addicted to the phone. She loved it, but had begun feeling very annoyed by the rude presumption of anyone who dared to actually ring her on it. Like, how dare they! She now thought no one should have the audacity to ring her on her mobile phone, except her mother, and she probably should text first.
I was thinking that the other day, while trying to troubleshoot phone/internet problems for ms insomniac in fucking Los Angeles. It's a computer that fits in your pocket that you can use to make calls, so just turn it off and on again. Worked of course.
My phone falls silent overnight so I don't get pinged all the time, but certain peeps can get through if necessary, so same same but different. That means I still get the random calls. I'll answer most calls originating from mobiles, but anything starting 02 8 or 02 7, you can just fuck off.